Private for now, public perhaps later...

So instead of a diary of which I pour my feelings and emotions of my life into I have now created a blog for myself instead so that as a poignant tide comes over me, which it so often does when online for some reason, I can jot it down quickly.

In the beginning I'll have this as private. I'm a nobody online and I suspect that nobody shall stumble upon this blog without some serious stalking on their part. With that in mind, given today's ghastly security problems and abundance of evil doers out on the web, I will not be revealing anything too personal and names of people mentioned in this blog will be protected by code names.

So where to start. It's good that there's a number of things I can blog about but it's also bad that I am lacking in the positive or uplifting category. I guess I would like to mention that I've been visiting a psychiatrist every week to gain outlook on my life and to transform myself into a person I would respect rather than avoid. Currently, I see myself as a person too emotionally tied up and my feelings so equivocal that I am disturbed to the point of nigh madness when I realize how bad of a person I've become.

I have lived a life full of blessings and a number of moments that fate's mighty hand has touched upon, but for what? I have not succeeded at anything to this point in life. Nothing worth mentioning at any rate. I have no clue what I want to become; no idea what fascinates me or drives me wild with passion.
And with that, I seek a solution. Whether or not this psychiatrist will put me on that path is still to be determined but I think I'm getting somewhere after each session and I've been prescribed some medication that can provide that added push when needed.

I spoke about living a life full of blessings and that brings me to my girlfriend Flori. Similar to me in some ways but also very different in others, I believe that she is the key to my ultimate happiness. I know that sometimes I can be a real cheeky bastard on my bad days, but for every demon there is an angel to combat that demon and she is my angel that can exterminate the animosity that resides within me. We may have our differences and our share of quarrels, but at the end of the day, I know what I must become to keep her. I am willing to change my ways for her as well as myself.

Sometimes life can get you down, but sometimes you receive a gift from above that makes you forget about everything dark and a new day begins. I intend to start that new day soon. And when that day comes, I will hope that I can become a gift for someone else who needs light in their life.